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美国高中生申请名牌大学的优秀作文

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人在美国,常有国内的朋友询问小孩出国留学的事。这几年,很多家庭送小孩直接到美国念大学,如何申请美国大学便成了很多人关心的事。 

申请美国大学一般要求写一至二篇作文。作文是学生向学校展现自己独特魅力的机会,是学校的招生人员除了考试分数等硬指标外评价学生的最重要的依据。往往,一篇作文定终身。

下面的这篇作文是一篇极为优秀的范文,作者为 Lauren A Hackney,被耶鲁大学,麻省理工学院和波士顿学院同时录取。

原文:

    I’M GOING RUNNING TODAY. I am not concerned about my calorie consumption for the day, nor am I anxious to get in shape for the winter season. I just want to go running.

    I used to dislike running. “If you don’t win this game, you’re all running five miles tomorrow,” the field hockey coach used to warn, during those last days of October when the average temperature seemed to be decreasing exponentially. And so, occasionally, my grief-stricken team would run numerous miserable laps around the fields. At the end of these excursions, our faces and limbs would be numb, and we would all have developed those notorious flu-like symptoms; but the running made us better in the long run, I suppose. Nevertheless, I counted down the days until the end of the field hockey season, vowing never to put on a pair of running shoes again. Then I surprised myself by signing up for outdoor track in the second half of sophomore year. I was foolish to have believed that I could ever escape this insidious and magnetic addiction.

    Anyone would have thought that I’d be off the team in a few days, but the last week of January caught me splashing through puddles of melted ice, and February winds nearly blew me off the track. I looked forward to practices this time around, to the claps and the persistent cheers of my fellow trackies. I was feeling a “runner’s high” spurred by the endorphins released by exercise. But to attribute my affinity for running solely to chemistry diminishes the personal importance that running has for me.

    I like running—in the cool shade of the towering oak trees, and in the warm sunlight spilling over the horizon, and in the drops of rain falling gently from the clouds. Certain things become clear to me when I’m running—only while running did I realize that “hippopotami” is possibly the funniest word in the English language, and only while running did I realize that the travel section of The York Times does not necessarily provide an accurate depiction of the entire world. Running lends me precious moments to contemplate my life: while running I find time to dream about changing the world, to think about recent death of a classmate, or to wonder about the secret to college admission

    Running is the awareness of hurdles between me and the finish line; running is the desire to overcome them. Running is putting up with aches and pains, relishing the knowledge that, in the end, I will have built strength and endurance. Running is the instant clarity of vision with which I can see my future just one hundred yards in the distance; it is the understanding that these crucial steps will determine victory or defeat.

    Running is not the most important thing in the world to me, but it is what fulfills me when time permits. And right now, before the sun goes down, I like to take advantage of the road that lies ahead.

翻译:

    “今天我要去跑步。我不是担心一天的卡路里消耗,我也不是渴望在冬季保持自己的身材。我只是想去跑步。

    我过去并不喜欢跑步。 “如果你们没有赢得这场比赛,明天你们所有人都得跑5英里。”曲棍球教练过去常常警告;那是十月的最后几天,平均气温仿佛呈指数般骤降。是的,偶尔,我们可怜的球队队员会在田径场上痛苦地跑上很多圈。在长跑结束的时候,我们的脸和四肢会变得麻木,我们都会出现类似臭名昭著的流感一样的症状;我猜想,就长远而言长跑对我们有利。尽管如此,我都会数着距离曲棍球赛季结束还剩几天,并发誓绝不再穿上跑鞋。然后,连我自己也感到惊奇,十年级下学期的时候,我又报名参加了室外径赛队。我傻乎乎地以为我本可摆脱这种渐渐积累且磁性般的跑步瘾。

    任何人都以为我会在几天内脱离径赛队,但一月的最后一个星期,我跑过冰雪消融后的水坑,水花飞溅;二月的风里,我几乎被吹离跑道。我期待在这个时节训炼,以回应同伴队友的鼓励和不断的喝彩。我感受到因锻炼释放的内啡肽刺激产生的跑步者的快感。但是,仅仅把我对跑步的爱好归结于化学反应是降低了跑步对我个人的重要性。

    我喜欢跑步-在高耸橡树阴凉的树荫里,在从地平线溢漫出的温暖阳光里,在从云彩中落下的雨滴里。当我跑步时,有些事情对我会变得清晰。只有当我跑步时,我才意识到,河马可能是英语里最搞笑的单词;只有当我跑步时,我才意识到《纽约时报》的旅游版并不一定提供了对整个世界的准确描绘。跑步给了我思考我的人生的宝贵时刻:跑步时,我有时间去梦想改变世界,去思考最近去世的同学,或去猜想大学招生的秘密。

    跑步是对我和终点之间的障碍的意识;跑步是克服这些障碍的愿望。跑步是忍受疼痛,品味这样的认知:最终,我会建立起力量和耐力。跑步是瞬间视野的清晰,使我看到我的未来只在百码以外;跑步是一种理解:剩余的关键步子将决定成败。

    跑步对我并不是世界上最重要的事,但它却在时间容许下让我充实满足。现在,日落之前,我想利用前方的道路,再跑上一回。

点评:

    这篇作文的题目是关于课外体育活动。利用跑步锻炼这个题材,作者阐述了自己对人生现实的认知,充满了积极向上的期待。

    要完全理解这篇作文,有必要提到据说是比尔·盖茨送给年轻人的十一条忠告:

1、生活是不公平的,你要去学会适应它;

2、这世界不会在意你的自尊,这世界指望你在自我感觉良好之前先要有所成就;

3、高中刚毕业后你不会一下就拿到年薪六万美金的职位,你也不会很快成为拥有车载电话的公司副总,这些都要你自己挣得;

4、如果你认为你的老师严厉,等你有了老板后再比较,老板可不是终身的;

5、翻烤汉堡包并不有损你的尊严。你的长辈们用另一个词来描述这份工作,他们称之为机遇;

6、如果你搞砸了,那不是你父母的错,不要只会发牢骚,要学会吸取教训;

7、在你出生之前,你的父母并非像现在这样乏味。他们变成今天这个样子是因为这些年来他们一直在为你付账单,给你洗衣服,听你大谈你是如何的酷。在你大谈拯救雨林以免遭受你父母辈的寄生虫的危害时,先把你自己衣橱里的跳蚤除去;

8、你的学校也许已经不再分优等生和劣等生,但生活却仍在划分;有些学校已经废除了不及格并给你想要多少就多少的机会让你得到正确的答案。但在现实生活中,却完全不同;

9、生活不分学期,你并没有暑假可以休息,也没有几个人乐于帮你发现自我。你得用你自己的时间去发现;

10、电视并不是真实的生活,在现实生活中,人们得离开咖啡屋去干自己的工作;

11、善待那些看似怪异的人,很有可能有一天你会不得不为他们打工。

Bill Gates spoke before a group of high school students and gave them eleven rules of life.

#1 Life is not easy!… Get used to it!…

#2 The world doesn’t care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something before you feel good about yourself.

#3 You will not make $60,000 a year, right out of high school. You won’t be a vice-president with car and phone until you earn both.

#4 If you think your teacher is tough, wait until you get your boss. He doesn’t have tenure.

#5 Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: opportunity.

#6 If you mess up, it’s not your parents’ fault. So don’t whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

#7 Before you were born, your parents weren’t as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought they were. So before you save the rainforests from the parasites of your parents’ generations, try delousing the closet in your own room…

#8 Your school may have done away with winners and losers but life has not. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they will give you as many times as you want to get the right answer. This doesn’t bear the slightest resemblance to anything in real life

#9 Life is not divided into semesters. You don’t get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you find yourself. Do that on your own time.

#10 Television is not real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

#11 Be nice to nerds. Chances are you will end up working for one.
Source:
The Investment Fiduciary

    美国的大学教育是普通教育,培养有一技之长、对社会有用并且能适应社会的人。现实社会,不可避免会有很多不公平的地方,要成功,需要有顽强的心理素质。名牌大学对学生未来的发展期望很高,对学生承受压力、正视挫折的能力非常看重。很多大学的命题作文直接或间接地考察学生面对人生逆境的表现;而一个聪明的学生也会利用机会展示自己面对挑战的勇气和进取心。

    在这篇作文里,作者开始就提到了自己早年在曲棍球队的经历:一个粗暴有虐待倾向的教练和惩罚性的长跑。尽管心里很不乐意,作者并没有放弃,反而以一种适应的态度去对待并最终迷上了这项运动。径赛队同伴的鼓励,让我们看到了作者珍惜友爱和社会的温情;作者的感悟,让我们既看到了作者走向社会的心理准备,又充满了积极的人生向往。一般的作文要求500单词左右,这篇文章共503单词,在有限的空间,包含了磨难,毅力,关怀,理解,憧憬。全文词汇优雅丰富,修辞巧妙,用了很多排比句,画面感非常强,感染力也非常强。在具体写作技巧上,有两点值得一提:

1、使用了不少科学词汇,如指数般(exponentially),内啡肽(endorphin),爱好(affinity),这些词汇的应用显然有利于叩击麻省理工学院的大门。

2、巧妙甚至狡猾地使用了幽默。幽默是个双刃剑,往往容易弄巧成拙,一般人在作文里会尽量避免。然而,作者却大胆地调侃道:跑步时,会去猜想大学招生的秘密–这简直是在向正在阅读此作文的招生人员叫阵!但是,说这句话的时候,招生的人应该已经为其经历和毅力所触动,而且前面谈到河马单词,已经把作文的节奏调得轻松,这句话会让招生人员会心一笑,拉近了彼此的距离。而随后梦幻般的紧凑道白,为这篇作文留下了非常美妙的收尾。

 

Reference:http://blog.39.net/xugangboston/a_4108395.html

 

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